Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
