after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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