4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
