i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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