glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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