it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
