Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
