if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
