so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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