Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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