Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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