is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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