My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
