My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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