my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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