i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
