my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
