One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Even my vagina gasped.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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