Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
