like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
