You're a womanizer and a bitch.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
3pm strippers are depressing
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
