i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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