i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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