you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
