somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The air was thick with penises
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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