It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
