Can i not drive my cunt home
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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