I need help removing her.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
