We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
