did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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