whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
