so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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