sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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