I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
