This dress was meant to end up on your floor
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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