that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
