so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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