Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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