Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm both gender and math confused
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
