Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
