you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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