I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize