My hand turned me down
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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