Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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