Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
