I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
