me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
