I looked at my own cervix.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
