ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
