I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
