Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
