And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize