Your face is a jimmy john
You're my little dorito
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize