I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
