I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
