Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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