dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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