i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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