Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Found the puke drawer
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
