Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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