I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
