Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
