I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
