Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Operation Purity has been aborted
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
