I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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