If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
