he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
