I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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