hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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