there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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