omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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