her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
