i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
