I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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