Taylor Swift is so right about you.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
