So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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