we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
