Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
where does the pee come out of this thing
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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