sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
