did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize